gathering rosebuds

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

Today - 3rd October - is the one year anniversary of getting my tattoo.  It's been one year since I stopped "thinking about" something I knew I wanted and just went for it.  One year since I decided to stop worrying about getting something seemingly cliche, stop worrying about what other people might think and just seized the flipping day and got it.

Today marks the anniversary of a day when I didn't let myself talk me out of doing something, a day when I just went for it.  It was a small thing but a giant thing at the same time and I have never once regretted it. 

It was a small moment but a giant moment at the same time and I want more of them.  More moments when I say "yes" and I'm determined to have them, to get them, to do brave things, silly things, carpe diem and rosebud gathering things.

Of course in the past year I have seized the day a few times, I've spoken up, stood up and done things I'm proud of but I also daydreamed a lot, imagined all kinds of things and then put all my wishes into a box in my mind.  I was restricted by university and restricted by myself and I pushed everything to one side - like I've always done - but now I've finished uni and I really do not have a single excuse I can use anymore.  So I'm not going to make any more excuses.  Instead I am going to be stupidly, recklessly and hopelessly optimistic.  I am going to gather rosebuds and grab hold of moments over the next year so that on 3rd October 2018 I can look at my list, flick through my photos and read back through my journal.  I can re-read this post and not just remember this feeling of furious hope for the future but have evidence that I turned this hope into a reality.

I've made a short list of two things; one is travel somewhere alone - even if it's Cornwall for a weekend - and the other is write a book.  Everything else, any other moments I grab or rosebuds I gather over the next year will be something I say "yes" to in the moment, something I decide to do after today, something I choose to do because I want to - not because I need to check it off a mile long list.  I want to plan things and then do them.  I want to daydream about climbing stairs in France while I'm on the way there.   I want to write and keep writing until I finish the book.   I want, in a years time, to be able to look back and be able to know what I've done and that I did it free of my own expectations.

So this is my plan, my message:  I am going to do things I want to do without thinking about them for a solid three years.  I am going to do things I want to do the day I first think of it.  I am going to be brave, silly, hopeful and daring.  

I am going to gather rosebuds.

eloise x

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