more than surviving

Friday, 5 October 2018

University is kind of a terrifying experience. Moving away from home, living in a new place, meeting new people and studying on a whole new academic level is an awful lot to deal with in one go. If you've been around on my blog for a little while it might not be a surprise to you that I found my undergraduate a totally overwhelming experience. I struggled and stressed and worried for three years straight - I had a panic attack that included the really ugly, messy kind of crying on my third day there (in front of two office staff and a lecturer - great first impression I made!) and that just set the tone really.  London, despite being a city I'd had my heart set on for a decade, was a very harsh place for me. It was always slightly too much: too busy, too loud, too fast paced and I constantly felt like I was on the outside looking in, not really a part of the bustling city life but also not really wanting to be.

That being said I don't regret going to London, or staying there. I can't regret the decision that resulted in the most wonderful bunch of weirdo's - girls I'm privileged to know let alone count as friends. I can't wish I'd picked a different path when it brought me back to writing, when it has led me to studying my passion in a city I'm falling more in love with every day.

I second guessed every moment I spent in London, never feeling capable and always feeling more like I was just surviving than actually living. In Edinburgh it's already a completely different story - I know it's still very early days but I'm actually living in this city as opposed to surviving each day and disliking most of them. Every part of it has completely captured my heart and I haven't found anywhere I don't like yet. Edinburgh even looks magical when it's miserable and gloomy! Putting aside how pretty everywhere is for a minute I do feel like there are tangible reasons for this feeling and have summed up my top four.

searching for my history

Thursday, 22 February 2018

Your teenage years are a weird time of life. 

Add in realising halfway through Year Nine that girls are so much nicer than boys in every single way - and then promptly pushing that thought to the very back of your mind to deal with later on (anyone else procrastinate dealing with their sexuality or was that just me) my teenage years were a very weird, confusing time for me.  I had no idea why I felt like I had to actively pick a boy to crush on when it seemed that most people around me seemed to just fall into liking someone.

writing writing writing | happy thing 2

Sunday, 14 January 2018

Hello and happy Sunday evening everyone!

I've spent the past few days being a busy little bee and planned out all my posts for the rest of January but somehow (despite knowing exactly what I would put) forgot to write up today's post - this weeks happy thing!  I discovered this when I went to click publish this morning and found nothing to click on..whoops!  But I'm now fresh out of the shower and ready to write..

Literally ready to write.

A few of you may have seen this on twitter / instagram (and thankyou all so much for the amazing replies I've received) but in case you missed the news this weeks Happy Thing is that on Friday I got told I have a place on a Creative Writing MA in September!!!!

2018 Reading Challenge | #readingitqueer

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

Hello Hello and Happy New Year!

 If you follow me on anything you might already know this but (drum roll please) I have decided to set myself the challenge of only reading books with a LGBTQ+ element during 2018!

This element could be a queer character, relationship, theme or total point of the plot.  Whether its a comic book, series, memoir, YA or adult; any genre and any style if it has a queer element to it then I'm going to try and read it this year.  The only rule I'm setting is that the element has to be explicitly stated within the book itself; no subtext or vague author comments are going to count this year so I'm saying farewell to my Harry Potter re-read as well as a vast majority of my old favourites.