femme visibility

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

If you read my post about being an invisible femme the other week you might be looking at the title of this thinking "hang on a second.." but don't click off just yet- I haven't done a complete u-turn on everything I wrote, nor have I made huge errors in the title of this post! You see, I view being a femme lesbian as a coin: with visibility and invisibility being the two sides, you can't have one without the other and both are just as valid and important to discuss and talk about.  As much as I consider myself to be an invsible femme; I also view myself as a visible one too.

I am a visible femme because I'm out, proud and feminine with no wish to hide any part of me.

I am a visible femme by choice and not just because I might not be seen otherwise.

I am a visible femme because I've been told "well I guessed", "you're not subtle when you see a pretty girl" and "I did wonder" all on separate occasions after coming out to people.  I am a visible femme because I'm too passionate about LGBTQ+ rights (and pretty girls apparently..) to simply pass under radars as just an ally.

I am a visible femme because I want to be, because I try to be.  I've got it written in my twitter bio, I've put the rainbow emoji on everything and if you have a conversation with me about anything TV I tend to end up listing all the girls in the show as my favourites / true loves.  Last month I tried out rainbow nail art a couple of times and while I should probably use something other than a pin head and kitchen sponge in the future I loved having the little combination of both my identity as a gay female and my identity as a feminine woman in full view of the world.  So maybe nobody who saw it in real life took it as that but that's what it was for me.

I'm a visible femme because I'm out to every single friend and almost every family member and I'm allowed to be as free and as femininely gay as I want to be. 

Femme visibility isn't a scale with points to check off; my version of being a visible femme might be completely different to someone else's but that doesn't mean either of us are any less visible or valid.  Being visible means constantly having to come out: to distant family members I rarely see, to people who unknowingly ask "have you got a boyfriend", to potential friends, to confirmed friends.  It means having to always put myself out there first, it means having to weigh up a situation and pre-empt a reaction because I don't want to hide but I don't want to put myself in a potentially difficult or harmful conversation either.  Being visible means owning the fact that I'm both gay and girly, no matter who I'm with. 

I am a visible femme because I have to be.  I have to be the visible femme I never saw when I was younger, even if it doesn't benefit anybody else, I have to be visible for myself.  For 15 year old me who came out as bi first because I thought all lesbians had short hair so therefore I had to be wrong.  For 18 year old me who practically got back into the closet when I started university because my college friends had all known because they knew me but I thought that as I didn't look the part then maybe my new friends wouldn't believe me.  For 21 year old me who wrote and published a post on being an invisible femme before even thinking about doing the same for being a visible one.

I am gay, I am feminine and I will bang my sparkly rainbow drum until the world ends.

I am a visible femme because I want to be, because I try to be, because I just am.  

love el

twitter: isthateloise  /  instagram: eloisemae  /  bloglovin: eloisemae


  1. YAAAAAAAS! I can't scream this loud enough YAAAAS TO EVERYTHING!! You rock girlie!! Xxxx

  2. YOU GO GIRL! Absolutely love the strength and power in this blog post, you are embracing your true self exactly the way you are and I think that's down right inspirational! Keep on doing you! Keep on banging that sparkly rainbow drum!

    Abbey 😘 www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

  3. Love this top! Zoella was wearing it in one of her recent blogs 😊

  4. I've seen this Tshirt before and I was so tempted to buy it! Also love the message behind this blog post too x

    Kayleigh Zara 🎨 www.kayleighzaraa.com

  5. You go girl! I love this so much, you're so strong!xx

    Hannah | luxuryblush

  6. Woohoo! You go girl! This post is fab!

    Steph xx

  7. YES YES YES!!!! Loved reading both this and your last post! And am genuinely in love with those nails! Now for the real question - who's travelling to who to watch the Carmilla film together? 😂

    1. Thankyou lovely!! Ah that is a very good question..maybe pick a spot in the middle?😂

  8. Love this post! It is so important to be out and proud no matter what "type" of lesbian you are. I'm so proud to be a feminine gay lady :)