21 things i learned before i turned 21


It's my 21st birthday today and one of my favourite types of posts to read are the "so many things I learned before this age" type posts and I thought, hey why not combine the two and jump onto the bandwagon of "typical birthday posts" because I wasn't really sure what else to write!  So here are 21 things that I have learnt and/or realised before I turned 21:

1) No one else knows what they are doing either. 

2) The "it doesn't matter what you eat as long as you're eating" argument doesn't extend to day four of living entirely off of cereal and pasta.  Eat something green, eat something that you have to chop up first and more importantly eat something with other people at least once a week.

3) Coming out can be scary, terrifying and wonderful and at times it does seem to be a never ending process but once you've done it you're free to make as many quotes, quips and (lame) puns as you like!

4) Trust your gut isn't just a cliche saying; there is some truth and lots of sensibility in listening to your own feelings and responding accordingly.

5)  Contrary to popular opinion eyebrows don't actually matter.  No one notices the fact that one is blonde and one is not until they are two inches from your face, four years after meeting you.  Take care of them but they are not the be all and end all.

6)  Self care comes in many forms.  Find the ones that work for you and do them often.

7)  Educating yourself is one of the most worthwhile things you can do.  Google something and read articles, download a dictionary app, read something non-fiction. Find out about current events and activist movements.  It will help make sense of things as well as being useful and interesting.

8)  Saying that there's no shame in spending an entire afternoon watching Friends episodes and using your phone to put ridiculous filters on Monica's face (thankyou snapchat).  It's fun and having fun is important.

9)  Jam on toast and a cup of tea might not actually solve any problems but it does make dealing with them a little easier.

10) Listen to Elle Woods.

11)  Some people don't stay and you don't know why.  Overthinking and re-reading all the messages won't turn you into a mystery solving female version of Sherlock, it will just make you sad and untrustworthy of other people so be kind to yourself and focus on the people who are still there for you.

12)  It's fine to escape into a book and lose yourself in fictional worlds every now and then but make sure you're still present in -and aware of- the world around you as well.

13)  Take a chance.  Take a deep breath and say whats on your mind, let people in and trust them.  99% of the time it's absolutely fine and the 1% it's not allows you to find people who you maybe don't want in your life..

14)  Hobbies are supposed to fun; by all means work on them and improve over time but don't stress over your photographs not turning out how you planned or that poem being a disaster.

15) Forgive people. For yourself and your own well-being if anything, write a letter and burn it- call it closure and open your heart again.

16)  Newsflash: if you procrastinate something it takes 100 times longer to get it submitted that it would if you just sit down, get off twitter and start the thing right away.

17)  Sometimes an evening out; dinner with friends that ends with hundreds of photos being shared on the group chat is the best fun you could have, but sometimes sitting in your pyjamas in the kitchen with your friends, talking rubbish with your make up off and laughing like a bunch of hyenas with not a single photo taken the whole time is the best fun you could have too.  Both are special and both will provide memories.

18)  You don't have to listen to, like, or take on board every comment or piece of advice that people give you. Unless it's Joey, always listen to Joey.

19) Sometimes the healthiest option is to have a shower, put on your comfiest pyjamas and curl up in bed at half past eight on a Friday night, that's okay.  

20) Check in with people often.  Ring someone you haven't spoken to in a couple of weeks, spend hours catching up over coffee or via text.  Don't let friendships fade away without you noticing because when you do it hurts like hell.  (But it's never too late to try and start up a conversation again; you never know what might happen!)

21)  Everything is a process, everything takes time.  Breathe in, breathe out and take each step and each day as it comes.  It's a process and a journey not a destination.

love el

twitter: isthateloise  /  instagram: eloisemae  /  bloglovin: eloisemae

i've never been in love before


In a world that is tailored to romantic relationships it can be very easy to feel like you're the only fish still swimming around in the sea, especially when shops start scattering hearts about like confetti and snapchat makes all its filters pink.  With love songs playing on the radio all day every day and romatic dates appearing all over social media as I ignored all the love hearts and sent texts to my best friend I came to a sudden realisation..

I've never been in love before.

I've been in relationships (of sorts) and I've had crushes on and feelings for people.  I've done that whole "oh she's so pretty I am in love" text to my best friend when I see a cute girl in the library thing but I've never actually been in love. And that's okay.  Don't get me wrong I do love and have loved people: my family and friends, my dog, and my housemates when they're not making me stand on the edge of the bath to catch a spider.  I love sheep and chocolate and having a nap -or writing a blogpost- when I'm supposed to be doing an assignment (shh..).  And it's not that I love in silence;  I have no qualms or hesitations about telling my parents I love them when I'm on the phone with one of them, texting a  "love you you muppet" to my best friend or tweeting about my undying love for Regina Mills.  I have done and will continue to do all of these things.

But I've never been in love.  I've never been in a relationship or sitation where butterflies and sparkles and rainbows appear and "oh my gosh I'm in love".   I've had moments where I've felt all 'squiggly' for want of a better word and have realised that I really really like the person I'm with or talking to but that is as far as my feelings go; maybe for me feeling squiggly is the beginning of love, I don't know, for various reasons the squigglyness has either never developed into anything further or the conversation / relationship faded away.

I've never been in love and that's okay.  I don't have plans to spend Valentine's Day crying alone and I'm too excited about the idea of half price chocolate to be sad about being single.   I don't want to spout off too many mushy cliches but I am a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason'; maybe the girl I spent over a year talking to could have become something more than a friend but our connection faded (or vanished overnight..) and I'll never know what might have happened if I'd chosen to do something about a casual crush but I refuse to spend my life wondering about all the maybes and what-could-have-beens.  Sometimes things don't work out and that's okay, sometimes you're almost 21 and writing a blog post about having never been in love and that's okay too.   I've never been in love and if I'm perfectly honest it's been a while since I had proper squiggly feelings for someone but that's okay too.  

I'm single and looking for pringles (no seriously, I've been looking for pringles; my mum said she had some in the kitchen but I have no idea where she's put them and I really want a snack) but I'm not searching for loves first kiss or wishing on all the stars that someday soon my princess will come and sweep me off my feet;  it would be nice but I don't mind that it hasn't happened yet.

Happy Valentines Day to everyone, whether you're in love or not, I hope you have a good Tuesday anyway!

love el

*Disclaimer: this post and it's title is not meant to be sad or a desperate cry of lonliness; I was trying to think of a post to write and the song I've Never Been In Love Before started playing and it kind of fits (okay it doesn't really apart from the one line but that's not important)*

twitter: isthateloise  /  instagram: eloisemae  /  bloglovin: eloisemae

la la land: my thoughts


Unless you've been in outer space for the past couple of months I'm sure you've heard of the latest Hollywood smash-hit La La Land; it's already won several awards and has been nominated for many many more!

I saw the film two weeks ago so some of the more minor details have vanished from my head but I can still remember my favourite moments, I'm playing the soundtrack as I type and I know how the film made me feel.  I don't know why I didn't write this a couple of days after seeing the film but never mind, I still wanted to share my thoughts with you all, late as they may be!

Okay first of all can I just say that while I adore theatre and films in general I am a complete musical nerd! Like, love them, cannot get enough of them, 'I have a musical playlist that is two days long' type of musical nerd.  So singing and dancing and unrealistic dreaming scenes are right up my street!

La La Land is definitely a combination of jazz, old school style musicals, Hollywood, hope and the current film industry which is unique but results in a great film.  The opening scene was the perfect combination of today and yesterday and throughout the entire film there were so many sublte nods to older musicals which might have gone unnoticed if I hadn't seen them all countless times - just another reason why I'm over the moon about adding a new musical to my collection.

The costumes were so bright and colourful and, again, a wonderful mix of old Hollywood and newer fashion; I've decided I want to spend my life in the dresses that Mia/Emma and her friends wear at the beginning - in fact most of Mia's outfits are ones that are now making up my dream wardrobe!  This film is definitely one that maintains hope and brightness in every single way.

image taken from the playlist.net via google
Refering back to my "I'm a musical nerd" point earlier - the planetarium scene was beautiful.  The dancing, the costumes, the whole falling in love while being literally surrounded by a sky of stars; the entire scene was just done so well!  And as for the Planetarium song: one of the most beautiful piano pieces I've ever heard so please, even if you don't want to see the film- please just watch this scene or at least listen to the song.
Speaking of songs I have both the original score (composed by Justin Hurwitz) and the picture soundtrack and it's so freaking amazing I can't actually explain it.  Every single song - whether it's singing or simply musical/orchestral- is completely different but there are so many tiny themes that run throughout songs, linking them and tying various moments together and ahhhhhh it's so good.   On both albums I love each song for different reasons but my favourites on the Motion Picture Soundtrack are defininitely The Audition Song, Mia & Sebastians Theme & Planetarium while the my most played on the Score are the Credits song, Boise and It's Over / Engagement Party.  Their theme is actually one I'm planning on attempting to learn in a couple of weeks when I'm home with my keyboard!

As an aspiring actress / creative person this film spoke to me on a level that films rarely do; yes it's going to be hard and I should expect to get set-back after set-back and to get told "no thankyou" again and again but oh gosh I cannot and should not give up on my dream.  The audition song gave me goosebumps  - and maybe a couple of happy tears - and I've had it pretty much on non-stop repeat since; especially when all my housemates are out and I can screech sing along at the top of my voice.. - because it just so perfectly describes things in a way that I can use to explain to my housemates and friends that "this is why I love what I do, this is the feeling I get."

This film filled me with such happy and positive emotions and without giving away any spoilers (and despite other opinions I've seen) I absolutely loved the ending!  It made a refreshing change and the flash back dream sequence was so well done and truly demonstrated how much of our lives are directed by chance and how most moments have several possible paths.

If you haven't seen it then I truly recommend you do, and if you have then I hope you agree it's an amazing film!

love el

twitter: isthateloise  /  instagram: eloisemae  /  bloglovin: eloisemae