i want to be a storyteller


I was sitting in a lecture yesterday afternoon, or maybe daydreaming my way through a lecture is a more correct statement, when I had a sudden realisation; an epiphany of sorts.  Ever since my first few lectures of first year I've never really been a total fan of my degree course (Drama Studies) but I've never been able to really put my finger on why.

Obviously I know that "uni isn't all about fun, you're there to learn" but this went deeper than having to learn a few key phrases. And I'm not saying that I hated every single second of it; I did like some modules and I've definitely learnt a lot but for the most part I honestly haven't enjoyed it.   I've always struggled with (a.k.a hated) the fact that learning and education now-a-days is less about learning or finding out interesting yet useful things and more about jumping through the right hoops in the correct order.   Add this struggle to my regular daydreaming and doodling my way through lectures and I found myself sitting in class coming to a realisation of (drum roll please).....I don't care.

I don't mean this in a pretentious drama jazz-hands sort of way; I just don't care.  I was sitting in a class full of people, listening to them talk about Brechtian styles, Stanislavik emotion and heaven knows what else and while I understood most of what was being said I just didn't care.

I realised I don't care because I don't want to be a part of the *drama world* where we analyse and nit-pick and where I feel like my brain might shrivel up if I have to listen to endless pretentious speeches about long-dead practitioners.  I don't want to graduate next year and end up in a job where I'm always reciting absolute crap I don't care about like play structure and how everything is a copy of something else (well duh, it is 2016, every thing has already been done at least once.) and just ugh; no. 

What I do care about is stories, I want to tell stories. Stories that are important, necessary and fresh. Stories about women, children, LGBTQ+, families, friendships, relationships, identity, everything. I want to make, write, act in, direct and tell stories that I myself needed when I was younger and that I still need today.

I want to make things accessible; whether that's films or web series' or just online creative things, I don't know. I just want to tell stories and share them.  Growing up as lesbian in the countryside I didn't really have anything to turn to other than whatever I could find online and there is only so many times you can watch the L Word.  Earlier this year as every single LGBTQ+ woman was killed off her show I turned more and more to webseries; where the episodes are freely available to anyone with a laptop and where they are all still alive at the end of each season.  That's the world I want to be part of.  I want to create things that help people, that send a message; whether that's "you are not alone" or "chill out and laugh with us for twenty minutes".  I want to tell stories.  I'm just not sure how to get there yet. 

I'm writing a play this year and so far my notebook is full of ideas that will work wonderfully with camera angles and drawn out character development reveals but not so much on a stage in 60 minutes. And as for my other classes well, let's just say the margins on my notebooks are great for patterns..

my notes from both lectures yesterday, and yes I realise the irony of "documenting is important."

For now I'm going to power through this final year, apply for drama school (because why not) and start internally singing anything from a musical whenever a dull old practitioner appears in conversation again.  Oh, and send semi-begging emails to anyone and everyone with a webseries asking if they need a stalker shadowing/helper girl.

thankyou for reading!
love el

twitter: isthateloise  /  instagram: eloisemae  / bloglovin: eloisemae

the liebster award


I was recently (and when I say recently I mean it was actually a month ago and I've had this sitting half-finished in my drafts for weeks) nominated by the lovely Kimberley Jessica to do The Liebster Award which is something I've seen floating around the blogging world for a while but never taken part in so I was very excited to get to do it!

If you are nominated, these are the rules that you must follow:
1.) Post 11 facts about yourself.
2.) Answer the 11 questions that your nominator has asked you.
3.) Nominate 11 other bloggers.
4.) Ask them 11 questions.
5.) Let them know that you have nominated them.

this is semi-long post so without too much rambling let's get started!

 Eleven facts

I'm a total theatre nerd
My favourite colour is purple
99% of the time I have painted nails
I really, really don't like the smell of lilies
I. Love. Tea, like, actually hand on heart love it
My ultimate absolute favourite animal is a sheep
I'm a sucker for an inspirational quote, can't get enough of them
I have to wear glasses / contact lenses to be able to see anything at all
I think mushrooms, brussells sprouts and profiteroles are all equally gross
I've never used fake tan in my life; I'm just too scared I'll accidentally turn myself orange
I can't think of another fact so I'll just admit that I purposely organised this list like a pyramid

Kimberley's Questions

1. If you were to restart your blog, what would you do differently?
Probably not the answer you're looking for but I'd plan things better! Just by writing more posts in advance (and taking photos when it's a good lighting day)

2. What's your favourite thing about Autumn?
After the leaves have changed colour but before they all fall off the trees; it's so beautiful and always makes me feel happier about the cold/dark/wet.

3. If you were to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Cheesecake. Imagine having cheesecake for breakfast, lunch and dinner..YUM!

4. What's your favourite thing to do in your spare time (apart from blogging)?
Read! I absolutely love curling up with a cup of a tea and a book.

5. Favourite part about Christmas?
Oh wow, I actually don't know! I love everything about it so much, but I guess I'd have to say the atmosphere- people just seem to be happy

6. What's your worst habit?
I pick my split ends off; which creates more of them which I then pick off. It's a terrible cycle and I need to stop.

7. If you could live in a different country, which one would you choose and why?
Australia! Mainly because of the weather.

8. Most embarrassing story? 
Once upon a time, many years ago when I was a tiny year seven my really evil strict ICT teacher told me I had a detention and I immediately burst into tears in front of her, my form teacher and my entire form..a memory I would really like to forget one day if only to save myself from cringing every now and then.

9. What do you love about your life right now?
 Being back at university with my friends & housemates; the evenings we spend sitting in the kitchen talking absolute rubbish for hours are some of my best memories and I'm making the most of them this year!

10. What's your favourite season?
Summer! *starts humming Olaf's summer song*

11. Would you rather have your dream job, or become a blogger full time?
Dream job definitely.  While I really enjoy blogging I couldn't turn away from acting or being involved in creating drama work/theatre.

I Nominate
Abbey Louisa Rose

And you! if you want to do this and answer my questions then feel free to do so; just tweet me a link to your post so I can see.

My Questions

1) What is your favourite flower?
2) If you were to dye your hair what colour would you go for?
3) Nail art or plain block colour?
4) Is there a song you put on to motivate / cheer yourself up?
5) Favourite kind of sandwich?
6) Do you have a  quote / song lyric you absolutely love?
7) If you could spend a day with your favourite fictional character what would you do?
8) Sunny days or rainy ones?
9) Christmas chocolate or Easter eggs?
10) If you could do anything at all for the next year, what would it be?
11) What was/is your favourite school subject?

Thankyou for reading!

love el

twitter: isthateloise  /  instagram: eloisemae  / bloglovin: eloisemae