i've never been in love before


In a world that is tailored to romantic relationships it can be very easy to feel like you're the only fish still swimming around in the sea, especially when shops start scattering hearts about like confetti and snapchat makes all its filters pink.  With love songs playing on the radio all day every day and romatic dates appearing all over social media as I ignored all the love hearts and sent texts to my best friend I came to a sudden realisation..

I've never been in love before.

I've been in relationships (of sorts) and I've had crushes on and feelings for people.  I've done that whole "oh she's so pretty I am in love" text to my best friend when I see a cute girl in the library thing but I've never actually been in love. And that's okay.  Don't get me wrong I do love and have loved people: my family and friends, my dog, and my housemates when they're not making me stand on the edge of the bath to catch a spider.  I love sheep and chocolate and having a nap -or writing a blogpost- when I'm supposed to be doing an assignment (shh..).  And it's not that I love in silence;  I have no qualms or hesitations about telling my parents I love them when I'm on the phone with one of them, texting a  "love you you muppet" to my best friend or tweeting about my undying love for Regina Mills.  I have done and will continue to do all of these things.

But I've never been in love.  I've never been in a relationship or sitation where butterflies and sparkles and rainbows appear and "oh my gosh I'm in love".   I've had moments where I've felt all 'squiggly' for want of a better word and have realised that I really really like the person I'm with or talking to but that is as far as my feelings go; maybe for me feeling squiggly is the beginning of love, I don't know, for various reasons the squigglyness has either never developed into anything further or the conversation / relationship faded away.

I've never been in love and that's okay.  I don't have plans to spend Valentine's Day crying alone and I'm too excited about the idea of half price chocolate to be sad about being single.   I don't want to spout off too many mushy cliches but I am a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason'; maybe the girl I spent over a year talking to could have become something more than a friend but our connection faded (or vanished overnight..) and I'll never know what might have happened if I'd chosen to do something about a casual crush but I refuse to spend my life wondering about all the maybes and what-could-have-beens.  Sometimes things don't work out and that's okay, sometimes you're almost 21 and writing a blog post about having never been in love and that's okay too.   I've never been in love and if I'm perfectly honest it's been a while since I had proper squiggly feelings for someone but that's okay too.  

I'm single and looking for pringles (no seriously, I've been looking for pringles; my mum said she had some in the kitchen but I have no idea where she's put them and I really want a snack) but I'm not searching for loves first kiss or wishing on all the stars that someday soon my princess will come and sweep me off my feet;  it would be nice but I don't mind that it hasn't happened yet.

Happy Valentines Day to everyone, whether you're in love or not, I hope you have a good Tuesday anyway!

love el

*Disclaimer: this post and it's title is not meant to be sad or a desperate cry of lonliness; I was trying to think of a post to write and the song I've Never Been In Love Before started playing and it kind of fits (okay it doesn't really apart from the one line but that's not important)*

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  1. I'm glad you don't feel down about never having been in love!
    You're still young and that's absolutely fine, best to take your time falling in love with the right person than falling in "love" everytime you go into a relationship and then getting heart broken.
    First post of this style I've seen and I really enjoyed it! xxx

    The Frugal Teen | http://thefrugalteen.wixsite.com/thefrugalteen

  2. Its okay that you haven't been in love. I haven't either. Love this post and I'm really glad you were so open and honest about your feelings.


  3. This is just so so lovely and it doesnt matter there is so many people out there and your loved one is just waiting to.be found somewhere. But when you find it it will be worth the wait! X
    Lola Mia // www.lolitabonita.co.uk

  4. A good post. It made me smile and it made me think. I think we all have inflated ideas about being in love thanks to tv and books. For me it's not so much about butterflies as it is about understanding one another, about knowing they're there for you at all times, but they also understand you need your own space.

    Maya | londondamsel.co.uk

  5. This is such an interesting read. It's good you don't feel bad about it. And why should you. Go you.